Opening to Grace: My Journey of Inner Transformation

“How’s your meditation practice going?” was the question I was asked by a devotee one Sunday morning after the service at Ananda Sangha Delhi. I was 19, had recently read the Autobiography of a Yogi, and found Ananda to learn Kriya Yoga as taught by Paramhansa Yogananda.

With a pinch of embarrassment, I replied, “My practice is going fine but I have this silly habit of binge-watching movies. I know it’s harmful but sometimes I can’t avoid it. It’s a huge distraction and is affecting my meditation.” My fellow devotee consoled me and asked me not to worry. “Watching a movie once in a while is okay. Moreover, these habits will fall away on their own after some time,” she added.

It was beyond my understanding how a habit can just “fall away on its own”! Yet, that’s exactly what happened. The habit started to wither away. Patterns of behavior that seemed compelling were no longer attractive. I was amazed. 

I had always been interested in popular self-help books since my mid-teens. Every book I read stressed on the importance of willpower and self-control to overcome our limitations. Naturally, I thought I had to wage war against my lower tendencies. But I always felt like a lone warrior surrounded by his enemies without adequate weaponry.

Now for the first time, I felt that I wasn’t fighting alone. That, just like Arjuna had Krishna as his charioteer in the Bhagavad Gita, I had a Higher Power helping me to rise above my limitations. It opened my eyes to the power of Divine Grace.

These experiences were intensified after I received initiation into Kriya Yoga. The practice changed me (and continues to do so) from within. Whereas earlier I was trying to fix myself from the outside, Kriya “fixes” me from the inside.  

Moreover, I’m not the only one who has had such experiences. Many meditators and Kriyabans (one who practices Kriya Yoga) find that their lives have completely changed to the point where they can’t recognize their past selves at all! A huge part of this inner transformation is the victory over self-limiting desires and tendencies.

We may have struggled to break free of certain negative habits without much success. But with regular Kriya practice, those habits drop like a ripened fruit from a tree. 

Yogananda had a student with a dramatic experience in this regard. He was an alcoholic. Despite his addiction, he was determined to learn and practice Kriya Yoga. And so he did – but with one twist! Since he couldn’t leave his whiskey, he would do his Kriyas with a drink in one hand and his rudraksha mala in the other! This continued for a while, until one day, he just didn’t need that drink anymore. He was now a “spiritual alcoholic” and God’s bliss was the only “intoxicant” he needed.

God doesn’t mind your faults, He minds your indifference!

Faced with the myriad faults and tendencies we have yet to overcome, we might feel spiritually discouraged. But remember the words of Yogananda: “God doesn’t mind your faults, he minds your indifference!” We needn’t worry about all that we have to transcend. Neither should we feel guilty about our past bad actions. Rather, we should just focus on one thing – loving God and bringing His light into our lives through meditation and right spiritual living.

I once heard a story of a disciple of Yogananda. He had a pernicious habit of eating a lot of ice cream. He knew that it was not good for him and wanted to overcome it. Yet, as with any other habit, he found the urge to be overwhelming. So he came up with a brilliant idea – the next time he would have an urge to eat ice cream, he would go ahead, but keep the photo of his Guru in front of him. Then he would enjoy his ice cream while looking at the Guru. 

As you can imagine, this did not go on for a long time! After a few rounds of this experiment, the ice cream lost its tempting power. What seemed attractive earlier, now seemed silly. And thus, he was able to break free from the hold that the habit had on him.

In my efforts to improve, I’ve often been deluded to think that I have to make myself worthy of God’s love and grace. But God’s grace is ever-present to help us rise above delusion. When we open to His grace by doing our spiritual practices and being in tune with the Guru, we cooperate with that Power. 

Ultimately, no progress is possible without His grace. However, His grace is not reserved for a chosen few. If we want the sunlight of His grace in our lives, we need only to open the curtains. And once God’s light enters our consciousness, all darkness is banished forever. 

As Yogananda often said, “You cannot drive sin out of the mind any more than you can beat darkness out of a room with a stick. By concentrating on delusion, indeed, you may only increase its hold on your mind. Bring in the light of God, however, through deep meditation and devotion, and the darkness will vanish as though it had never been."

May we all be ever more receptive to His shining presence in every moment, and in every atom of creation.